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Sherman Bear Archive
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Miss California Does NOT Know How to Follow Simple Directions
Posted on April 21, 2009 | View CommentsI have been a consultant to the stars for many years… decades, to be exact. It is a job that I enjoy very much, and I often find incredible success with my clients. I am very proud of my work, but there are those times... -
Hannah Montana’s Next Leading Man Is…
Posted on March 24, 2009 | View CommentsThe most popular question I am asked is, “Sherman, how does it feel to be all-wise and all-knowing?” After many hours of pondering this ponderable, I must tell you – it feels great. As you can tell from my Listen to THIS, Bitches! articles, I... -
No, I Am On Whore Island.
Posted on March 16, 2009 | View CommentsIt has been about a month or so since my last Listen to THIS, Bitches! article. The reason for this is because I have been traipsing around the world with my good friend, Bono of U2. He kept calling me up at the start of... -
Does Anybody Make a Vagina Cork?
Posted on March 9, 2009 | View CommentsSome of you have probably heard already that Nadya Suleman, the octuplet mother, has lost her publicist, Victor Munoz. Yes, old reliable Victor resigned because well, in his own words: “This woman is nuts.” “Nuts?” You mean a woman who gave birth to eight children... -
here, and you will be transported back in time.
Although some may claim that Mr. Phoenix chose a different path because of my advice, I will argue again that my blood alcohol [...]" title="This Is REALLY Not What We Had Discussed" />
This Is REALLY Not What We Had Discussed
Posted on January 21, 2009 | View CommentsThis Is REALLY Not What We Had Discussed It has happened. Mr. Joaquin Phoenix has resurfaced since his “retiring from acting” announcement way back in October. If you happened to miss this momentous occasion, it is not too late to familiarize yourself with the situation. Simply click here, and you will be transported back in time. Although some may claim that Mr. Phoenix chose a different path because of my advice, I will argue again that my blood alcohol [...] -
I Would Like The Dirty South, Please.
Posted on January 11, 2009 | View CommentsAs you have probably read already from my Box O' Chocolates post, I had quite a New Year's celebration. What I left out was the most entertaining time I had at a secret Drive-By Truckers show. Yes, I was invited by the Truckers to hang out backstage with them... "We need you, Sherman," was all singer Patterson Hood needed to say to me... I was on the next flight out to the venue. When I arrived, the band asked me, "What would you like tonight, Sherman?" They explained to me that they needed a "fresh" approach to their set list [...] -
I Have Finally Recovered
Posted on January 5, 2009 | View CommentsI Have Finally Recovered This morning, Mr. Swapmeet Louie rudely woke me up with the words, "Hey, Sherman!!! Are you dead??????" He then poked me a few times with a ten-foot pole, all while commenting on how I apparently smell from sleeping in my own urine, feces, and vomit. I uttered a few grunts and groans, asked for a cup of green tea, and found the strength to clean myself up. This is the most coherent I have been this year. So far, 2009 has been a blur to me [...] -
Have You Been Naughty or Nice?
Posted on December 24, 2008 | View CommentsHave You Been Naughty or Nice? It is no secret that I am a well-traveled bear. I have stood at the top of K2, swam the depths of the Marianas Trench, and have even danced onstage with Michael Jackson. What? You do not believe me about the Michael Jackson claim? I used to be the lead-choreographer for Jackson's world tours. I left that position because Michael wanted every number to end with "Jazz Hands," and frankly, after about three "Jazz Hands" moments, I had had enough. People often wonder why a little bear (such as myself) needs to travel so much. Well, the answer is simple [...] -
Contest Giveaway Contest
Posted on December 10, 2008 | View CommentsIt’s the Christmas season and we’re feeling “Christmas-y” here at TheFrontloader.com!!!! Sherman and I have been pondering how to celebrate our growth here on TheFrontloader.com… we could order out for some hot, smokin’ chicks pizza delivered by naked chicks, but we thought it would be... -
What PBJ Stands for at Paradiso
Posted on December 7, 2008 | View CommentsI love visiting Amsterdam. It is a beautiful city with beautiful people and a beautiful skyline… Now, I can hear most of you thinking, “Sherm, you like Amsterdam because of the very lenient to non-existent drug laws!!!!” I can answer that only with a statement...