I love getting mail, and I’m talking about US mail, not email. There’s something so satisfying about opening your mailbox and receiving something physical. Sure, the majority of the time I get bills, junk mail or supermarket specials, but there are those special days when I get something I’m REALLY excited about.
Not long ago, I opened the mailbox door to see a package made out to “resident.” Normally, when I get letters with this, I toss it because I know it’s junk… but this time, because it was an actual package, I took it inside and wondered if I should open it.
After staring at it for a good 5 minutes, I decided to take the plunge and tore into the envelope. What fell out was this:
I couldn’t believe it! I have no idea why it was sent to me, but I think this is definitive proof that God wants me to get laid. I don’t know how else to interpret this.
For those of you that are wondering what Androstenone is, here’s a basic rundown, courtesy of Wikipedia:
“Androstenone (5α-androst-16-en-3-one) is a steroid found in both male and female sweat and urine. It is also found in boar’s saliva, and in celery cytoplasm. Androstenone was the first mammalian pheromone to be identified. It is found in high concentrations in the saliva of male pigs, and, when sniffed by a female pig that is in heat, results in the female’s assuming the mating stance.”
The “mating stance?” What could that POSSIBLY be? Sounds intruiging!
But according to The Journal of Physiology, “While a role for androstenone as a human pheromone is open to debate, a widely accepted finding is the ability of humans who are initially insensitive to androstenone to acquire sensitivity to it upon continued exposure.” That settles it… androstenone is my new cologne.
The article does state that androstenone “is variously described as having an unpleasant (urine, sweat) or pleasant odour (sweet, floral).”
So I guess if I’m drenched in androstenone, a woman will either say, “Dude, did you just pee on yourself?” or, “You know, if I were a female pig, I would SO go for you right now.”
It’s a chance I to have to take… are you all interested in some experimentation with adrostenone? And who sent this to me? Should I thank them or…?
Time will tell!
And now, a few songs about getting laid.
Your Dig-It Downloads:
Download: Let’s Put the X in Sex (KISS)
Download: Hot Raw Sex (Jimmy Edgar)
Download: I Wanna Sex You Up (Color Me Badd)
Download: Phone Sex (Sharkey feat. Cherrywine)
Popularity: 1% [?]
Whoa – nothing hotter than a man who smells like pig urine – or boar saliva, for that matter. I'm all gaga just thinking about it. Just stay away from femaile pigs, and if you do have an experience with one, by all means, DO NOT SHARE IT.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Swap, you better be practicing your oink if you get my drift.
Lord help the first woman who accidentally bends over in front of you.
Gotta be better than Drakkar Noir.
And don't knock wild boar 'til you've tried it…
You apparently know a lot of men if you need to ask that question!
You don't want to hear about my hot pig sex? Awww… and I was so excited to share it!
Are you laughing AT me or WITH me? ;-P
Unc… I figure if I use this spray AND have my oink mating call down pat, I'm all good to go. If it worked for Wilbur, it'll work for me.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmmmm… I don't even know how to respond to that… yet.
Ever see Deliverance?