The most popular question I get is, “Swap, I know you’re a genius… but how MUCH of a genius you are… that’s what I’m wondering.” I usually pat the person on the shoulder and give them a sympathetic look as I reply with “Way over your head, my friend… way over your head.” They’ll give me an understanding look, buy me a drink, and then I’ll do something stupid to prove that I’m actually a huge douchebag.
Well, it’s that time again… yes, somebody asked me the question and I did something stupid. Just HOW stupid, you ask? Read on… I assure you I am NOT making this story up.
So I’m over at my parents and I find this toy robot:
You’re probably wondering where I got this cute little robot… well, my aunt brought it over from Chicago. She saw it in a toy store and thought I’d like it. Little did she know that it would be the bane of my existence. She handed it to me just like in the picture… I said, “Wow, thanks!” and proceeded to make it fly around as I made a jet plane sound. My aunt laughed and told my mom that I need some professional help.
After a few minutes of making it fly through plants, chairs, over the sofa, and through an imaginary asteroid field, I realized that it was a transformer-type of toy. I asked my aunt about it and she told me that all of them (she brought a bag full of these robots) turned into letters of the alphabet. Well, after hearing THAT, I had to figure out which letter THIS little robot was.
So I did the transformer sound (you know, the dropping “Er-er-er-er” sound) and pushed the head down, the arms in, and twisted the legs around and whaddyaknow, it transformed into something. What that something WAS, I had no idea… I held it just like in the picture and said to myself, “Self? What letter could THIS possibly BE?”
Now, at this point, if you’re shaking your head and saying to yourself, “Dude… DUDE.” please keep in mind that the title of this post is THIS is How Stupid I Am and not I’m A Frikkin’ Genius”. We clear on that? Good.
Getting back to the story, I held the transformed robot like that as I stood there, pondering which letter it was. “Hmmm… it looks like a double-’L’ but with some weird thing shooting out the bottom. I’ve never seen a letter like this before. Hmmm… might be… Korean? Some simplified Chinese character? Hmmmmmm….”
Finally, after about 5 minutes, I went up to my dad and had him take a look. My dad is a smart man, and he’s always been proud of the fact that his sons are relatively intelligent. He brags to his friends about our accomplishments and our talents… I’ve seen the “I’m proud of you, son!” look on his face, and I’ve seen the “You’ve disappointed me, son,” look as well.
The look my dad gave me THIS time was neither of those. It was… yes… the “Dude… DUDE,” look… and my dad doesn’t even know the word “dude.”
He gently took hold of my hand and rotated it 90 degrees clock-wise.
Wow. Look at that. It’s a frikkin’ “F.”
I tried to laugh it off, but it did no good. My dad shook his head and walked away, muttering something in Chinese that I didn’t understand.
We then all went out to dinner. It was a nice dinner. I ate heartily and conversation flowed between all of us. It wasn’t until 38 minutes into the dinner that my father blurted out, “I can NOT believe you couldn’t figure that out!”
I froze and did not move a muscle as I felt every eye in the restaurant on me. My oldest brother started to ask my dad what he was talking about, but before my dad could answer, I pointed to the window and yelled out, “Look! It’s Elvis!” My dad LOVES Elvis, so he turned his head. As he did that, I ran out of the restaurant and all the way home.
The restaurant is about 18 miles away. My feet hurt.
So the lesson to be learned here is to never ask your parents about ANYTHING you aren’t sure about, because they’ll surely point out the obvious and then make fun of you in front of the other parent, your aunt, your uncle, your cousin, your brother and his wife. It’s bound to happen… it’s science.
Show of hands… how many of you didn’t know it was an “F?” Come on… be honest. I was, and so should you. We’re all friends here and won’t make fun of you (much).
And now, just to show that I’m frikkin’ cool, here’s a Sunday evening mix made just for you.
Your Dig-It Downloads:
Download: Earth, Sun, Moon (Love and Rockets)
Download: Keep the Car Running (Arcade Fire)
Download: Collide (Howie Day)
Download: 20 Miles (Deer Tick)
Download: Kalimba (Mr. Scruff)
Download: Sleep Away (Bob Acri)
Download: American Slang (Gaslight Anthem)
Download: Daylight Breaks (Heavy Young Heathens)
Popularity: 2% [?]
Sorry Swap, but I knew it was an “F”. HA! :)
Dude….I'm sorry but I knew it was an F right away. You're probably just having a bad day, LOL…
How old were you? Was this like last week? Dude! Your story made me smile. Missed you.
Sorry Swap, knew it was an “F” … You may be stupid, but man alive, you're a great storyteller.
OH MY GOD, I HAD NO IDEA THAT WAS AN F!
(kidding… I so did. Seriously… Dude…. DUDE.)
Well, I just don't think I know what to say to that so I will just move right on to the music. Thanks for the downloads. Love Dear Tick by the way, I saw them here last summer and they were pretty fabulous.
They're all wrong. It's a double L, as in “LL”. That IS one single letter in the Spanish language. I can't BELIEVE you didn't see that.
*shaking head, muttering something in Spanish*
Gah! I'm so embarrassed!
GAHHHH!!!! I'm doubly-embarrassed!!!!!
It was just this weekend! HAHAHA!!!! I suck. Glad it made you smile :-) That's what I'm here for! Good to see you again… don't be no stranger!
GAAAHHHHH!!!!! I'm triply-embarrassed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY!!! Someone who saw what I saw!!!!!
oh wait… rats. Now I'm quadruply-embarrassed!!!!!!!
Uh, you can say that you saw what I saw… yes, that would help… but you're not going to do that, are you? Rats.
WOO HOOO!!!!!! You're a genius like I am!!!!!!
The people with the highest IQ usually have no common sense or very little…true fact. You have a very high IQ.
Downloading the music…thanks : )