Depeche Mode Presents: Face Licking 101


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Yesterday Depeche Mode unveiled the music video for “Hole to Feed”, the third single off their Sounds of the Universe album.

I’ve watched the video a few times now, and I can honestly say that I think music videos are getting weirder and weirder. The “WTF?” factor in this video increases with every second… in end it I have to realize that it held my attention, but is that because of the video or because of the song? Or maybe it’s because I have a strange fetish of watching people make out?

Yes, if you love watching people make out, then you’ll love this video. I gotta admit, some people have a weird way of making out. I’m all for Frenching, but some of them go juuuuuust a bit too far with the tongue.

Anyhow, the video is pretty bloody interesting. Watch it and let us know your thoughts!

Depeche Mode – Hole To Feed

I don’t know about you, but if someone licked my face repeatedly, I’d be kinda grossed out. What about you?

Be sure to check out the demo to “Hole to Feed” in the Dig-It section below as well. VERY cool.

Depeche Mode finished up the US leg of their Tour of the Universe tour at the beginning of the month and will be heading back out on the road on October 1st, with their next stop in Mexico. For all things Depeche Mode, check out their official site, MySpace, and Twitter.

Your Dig-It Download:

Download: Hole to Feed (demo)

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

Dr Seuss

The After-A-Shitty-Test Music Mix


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The title of this post says it all, and I don’t think there is any need to elaborate.

But I will.

Yes, I experienced a shitty test yesterday. When I say “shitty,” I mean it was the kind that explodes out of your ass and splashes water back at you, making you wonder if you have bits and pieces of shit sticking to your ass. I’m talking about the kind of shit that just keeps unwinding out of you and icebergs out of the water so high that you can feel it touching your ass. I’m talking about the kind of shit that plugs up not only the toilet you’re sitting on, but ALL the toilets in the building. I’m talking about the kind of shit that makes you wonder “can my asshole REALLY open that wide? THIS I gotta see!” and you actually TRY to see it in the mirror while the shit is coming out of your ass… and you end up with shit on your face because well, you can imagine what position you’d be in while trying to see shit come out of your ass.

THAT, my friends, is a shitty test.

Now, I’m not going to blame the test on just the professor, because I’m sure he did his best to fuck his students up the ass… and hey, that deserves SOME sort of applause. I’m going to also blame the shitty test on the professor, because I’m sure he did his best to fuck his students up the ass…

And when I say “fuck his students up the ass,” I mean the kind of ass-fucking that makes the people in the next STATE wonder, “Did someone build a slaughterhouse next door and not tell us?”

You’re probably thinking, “Come on, Swap… maybe if you had studied harder, you would have done better.” I’ll give you that… maybe if I had studied the chapters that were NOT assigned, I would have understood what the fuck the professor wanted… you want us to study chapters 4-6? I’ll study chapters 10-12. How does THAT work, asshole?

Yes, it was a shitty test.

But my pain is your reward, because today I bring you The After-A-Shitty-Test Music Mix.

And since the world does, in fact, revolve around ME, I would love to hear some of your shitty test stories. They’ll make me feel better about my shitty test, and this can be a good platform for you to talk some serious smack about the teacher that did you wrong. If you don’t have any shitty test stories to tell, then enjoy the music and I hope you find the humor in my pain.

Laugh it up, fuzzball.

Your Dig-It Downloads:

Download: Urgent – Foreigner
Download: Takin’ Care of Business – Bachman-Turner Overdrive
Download: Push It – Salt N Pepa
Download: Break My Stride – Matthew Wilder
Download: Keep Pushin’ – REO Speedwagon
Download: That Smell – Lynyrd Skynyrd
Download: Free Fallin’ – Tom Petty
Download: Musical Poop Song – from the show “Scrubs”

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Top Blogs

Violent Femmes

Violent Femmes: Blister in the Sun


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In case you missed the Emmy Awards last night, here’s a quick recap of the highlights:

Neil Patrick Harris is AWESOME.

What’s that? People won awards? None of that matters when Neil Patrick Harris is hosting. He’s like William Shatner… he just gets funnier and funnier as time passes.

Anyhow, “Blister in the Sun” is a song that everyone here had better know. It’s one of those tunes that, no matter what genre you’re into, you should recognize immediately just by the riff. “Blister in the Sun” never made a dent on the charts, but who cares… a song’s worth is not based on where it lands on the top 100… or 1,000,000 for that matter.

Since we all know the song, it’s moot to say that you can find it on the Violent Femmes‘ self-titled debut album, right? Don’t have it yet? Well, go get it! Now, man, NOW! I’ll wait….

… ok, now that you have the record and have listened to it three times in a row because it’s just THAT good, let’s continue. These Bit O’ Covers posts usually feature some excellent cover versions, but there are times when the terror of a bad cover just can’t be ignored.

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I’ll get right to the point. Those that visit here often know that I’m a huge Indigo Girls fan. They’re usually excellent with their covers… but this version of “Blister in the Sun” is awful. It’s a tough song to cover, not because it’s a difficult song to perform, but it’s those subtle nuances in the original that just can’t be duplicated. I know that, you know that, the guy standing next to you in the express lane at your local grocery store knows that, and the Indigo Girls should have known that.

For that reason, they deserve the “You’re a Dumbfuck” award, courtesy of Mr. Richard Dawson.

There’s a certain attitude that Gordon Gano of the Femmes has that is hard to duplicate… let’s face it, he doesn’t have the greatest voice, but in this case it’s to the song’s benefit. Gano’s voice has so much personality in the original recording that it makes up for his nasal delivery… the song’s FULL of character, and the girls of Indigo do NOT have it. Even Amy Ray‘s fake laughing at 1:52 during this performance can’t make the song any more enjoyable, or more fun for that matter… it almost feels like Ray knows it sucks. And sorry, but their whispering part is one of the worst moments in recorded Rock history EVER.

I’m not blaming the Indigo Girls for having fun with this at a show, but I AM blaming them for ever letting it get recorded AND released to the public.

Quality control, people… quality control.

And that’s really all that needs to be said about that.

Your Dig-It Downloads:

Download: Blister in the Sun (original)
Download: Blister in the Sun (live)

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

Fredrik

New Album from Fredrik: Trilogi


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November 17th marks the return of Malmo, Sweden’s Fredrik with their new album Trilogi. We wrote about the band back in March, so in case you missed it, click here and make sure you take a listen to the track “Black Fur,” which is still one of my favorite songs of the year.

Here’s a bit of info about the upcoming album:

“This second outing is more consistently inward-looking and takes on themes like social realities and subconscious geography. The melodies are more serpentine and the textures decidedly darker. However, Fredrik’s warm, sensitive lead voice and operatic choir work still lends the material the same comforting elegance as on the debut.”

I’m not exactly sure what “subconscious geography” is. I’ve never actually checked to see if I have any subconscious geography, but it does sound like a great way for women to prequalify people who hit on them:

“Hi there… you come here often?”

“Why, yes I do. Tell me, kind sir… how is your subconscious geography?”

“My what?”

“Your subconscious geography.”

“Look, baby… my love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in. So am I gonna get laid tonight?”

Check out the first offering from Trilogi called “Locked in the Basement.” I love their sound… very organic but with an absolutely fascinating percussion section. I totally dig it and look forward to November 17.

To find out more about Fredrik, click Fredrik. If you like what you hear, you can pick up their albums here.

Your Dig-It Download:

Download: Locked in the Basement

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

Lady Gaga

This Week’s Top 5 Most Played Songs From Swap’s iTunes


The Rules: I reset the play counters for all the songs currently on my iTunes. Then at the end of every week, I check to see what the top five most played songs are. Whatever happens to be in this top five are then presented in order here from most played to least. If I have posted a particular song in the past, then I will bypass that song and post the next in line. If one artist dominates the list, then I will write about that artist in lieu of a Top Five list.

Man alive I didn’t think I’d make it through this week. I’m sorry, but four quizzes and an exam are simply far too many quizzes and exams to be doing in a week.

I’ll tell you, though, I can draw out the Kreb’s Cycle for you now and explain how the Electron Transport System works. It’s pretty neato-mosquito… I can even tell you (theoretically) how many ATPs you can generate from a triglyceride with 20 Carbon tails. Yes, it’s this kind of information that keeps me on the edge of my seat with every day of class.

I don’t know how I did on my Microbiology exam, but I’m kind of dying to know. Do you think this means that I feel pretty confident or pretty crappy about it? I swore to everyone in my study group that if I got an “A” on my test, I’d kiss the professor. Somebody even offered $5 to see it happen regardless. Hmmmm… I could use $5…

Anyhow, here’s This Week’s Top 5 Most Played Songs From Swap’s iTunes. Most of it is funky stuff for some reason… I guess Microbiology brings out the funk in me.

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Mother Popcorn – James Brown

James Brown was at the top of my playlist this week. I needed the funk and he always delivers.

“Mother Popcorn” has always been one of my favorites. I remember blasting this on a stereo in a San Diego beach house with the windows wide open. The neighbors never complained because who the heck would ever complain about James Brown? Only people who aren’t fans of James Brown and people who think that Premonition was a good movie.

I am neither of those, so when I needed a quick-pick-me-up, I played “Mother Popcorn” and boogied on down. The interesting thing here is that I don’t exactly know HOW to “boogie on down” because I suck at dancing. The best I ever managed at my high school prom was a really, really, REALLY bad Cabbage Patch… but that made my date laugh and I got to smooch… so it all worked out for Ol’ Swap.

But I know that if James Brown saw me try to boogie, he’d punch me in the face on principle alone.

But I ALSO know he’d pat me on the back right afterwards for spinning “Mother Popcorn” 18 times this week.

Your Dig-It Download:

Download: Mother Popcorn

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

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It’s Your Thing – Cold Grits

I’ve had this Cold Grits song in my iTunes for quite a while now… I listen to it every now and then, but didn’t really play it that much until this week. Man ALIVE I dig it, and so will you once you play it loud and proud. Go on and hit “play” below! You’ll be glad you did!

Just the beginning of the song gets my blood going! That double snare intro sets up the groove so well… I tell ya, there’s nothing like a funky drummer (say… don’t James Brown have a song called that?)… and that B3 organ is just as sweet as velvet cake with cheesecake frosting smothered all over Linda Carter dressed up as Wonder Woman.

I can’t find much info on the group Cold Grits… I do know that this track “It’s Your Thing” (along with many more funky grooves) can be found on this collection: What It Is! Funky Soul And Rare Grooves [1967-1977]. If you’re into the funk, you have GOT to pick this up.

“It’s Your Thing” was played 13 times.

Your Dig-It Download:

Download: It’s Your Thing

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

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Pixie (Live At Montreux – The James Booker Session)- James Booker

This James Booker live recording is so good that I’m going to have to post the entire bootleg soon. His New Orleans style of piano has been a fascination of mine ever since my brother played some of it for me a few years back. “Pixie” is off his 1976 record Junco Partner, and like I said, it sounds GREAT here.

I remember trying to learn the New Orleans piano style but could never quite get it right. Sure, if I had a transcription, I could play what was on the page, but improving in this style always eluded me. Booker has some pretty unique left hand patterns that I couldn’t figure out. Maybe someone out there can give me some idea on how to get it right?

Great Caesar’s Ghost! On a whim I looked to see if any of Booker’s transcriptions are out there, and whaddyaknow? You can find selections of his music in The James Booker Collection. AMAZING!

If you dig what you hear, go pick up more Booker albums… or listen to some Dr. John.

I played “Pixie” 10 times this week… so cool!

Your Dig-It Download:

Download: Pixie (Live At Montreux – The James Booker Session)

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

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You Know What I Mean – Jeff Beck

I remember the first time I heard Jeff Beck‘s album Blow by Blow… yes, my oldest brother, John, played it for me because he knew my growing fascination with the Fender Rhodes keyboard. I could not BELIEVE how much this album made me want to get together with a bunch of guys and just jam for hours. I used to put headphones on and groove along with the record… I never quite sounded as good as the keyboardists on the recordings (Max Middleton and Mr. Stevie Wonder, but I gave it my best shot… and sometimes that’s all you can do… unless you can do more.

The opening track, “You Know What I Mean,” taught me a lot about how the Rhodes keyboard can sound… the farts, the dynamics, and especially how it sat so well in a rock band setting… if you can, try to focus on just the Rhodes and you’ll find that it actually has it’s own riff underneath everything. It’s not just playing the same chords or riffs as everything else… it can actually stand on its own as the backbone for the song if need be.

TOTALLY cool.

I only played “You Know What I Mean” six times this week, which meant that I did not play it enough.

Your Dig-It Download:

Download: You Know What I Mean

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

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Old Landmark – Aretha Franklin

“Old Landmark” is an Aretha Franklin recording that I return to time and time again for positive, uplifting energy. It’s off one of my most played cd’s, Amazing Grace… Franklin’s voice sounds incredible here, and if you haven’t heard it yet, you are missing OUT.

Actually, the first time I ever heard the song “Old Landmark” was from one of the greatest “band” movies ever, The Blues Brothers. Mr. James Brown sang it… yup… he did. And he did it live because he wasn’t able to lip-sync it correctly… plus, he’s James Brown, and James Brown don’t lip-sync.

So if you’re feeling kind of down or blue, I would highly suggest playing “Old Landmark” immediately. Without haste. Like, right now, man.

I played it five times this week. Once a day from Sunday to Thursday… tried to make it the first song I played in the morning. It didn’t always happen, because I see dead people.

Your Dig-It Download:

Download: Old Landmark

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

Qbert

I’ll Meet You By Fucking the Church


First off, I gotta say that the picture below there on the left there FREAKS me out.

Yesterday was a long day. I had an exam in microbiology (which was 90% essay questions), a quiz in microbiology lab, and a quiz in my chemistry lab. I was lucky enough to actually FINISH the microbiology exam, as many others didn’t because time simply ran out. The thing that kills me is that the professor handed out the test about 5-6 minutes into the class, which would theoretically mean we’d get 5-6 minutes tacked on at the end of class in order to finish… but that didn’t happen. Even though I finished, I could have used the extra 5-6 minutes to look things over.

Anyhow, since yesterday was such a long and frustrating day, I cussed a lot. I mean a LOT. I said the typical things all students say: “That sucked ASS,” “Stupid fuckin’ test,” “What the FUCK?” and “Balls” were all part of my vocabulary… which was funny to some, but not so much to others.

One person it offended, in particular, was a fellow micro student. She told me that since she’s a Christian, she didn’t like to hear any profanity. Hey – I’m a Christian, too… but I don’t get offended by swearing. My question is this:

Does being a Christian mean that you’re not allowed to swear?

Now, I’m not saying that cussing is good. If one can avoid using profanity, one should… but sometimes… sometimes it just fits the moment to a “T.” I’ll admit – it DOES get on my nerves when someone cusses with EVERY sentence because it becomes the equivalent of saying “Uhhhh” which gets annoying anyways, and it ESPECIALLY gets on my nerves if someone doesn’t know HOW to cuss.

For example, I once heard someone say to their friend on the phone, “So, I’ll meet you by fucking the bathroom.”

I know what the guy meant, but dude… learn how to use the word “fucking.” I wanted to ask him “Can you teach me how to fuck the bathroom because my kitchen would like a night off?” He probably would have pounded me into the ground because he was about 6’2″ at 225 pounds, but I would have given him a run for his money.

I’d like to avoid getting into a religious debate here, so please let’s not discuss Christianity, and let’s not argue about who’s uptight and who’s not… I’m just wondering if being religious (or spiritual) means you don’t cuss. Let’s face it – we drink, we have sex, we all kill to SOME degree… and some of us are either religious or spiritual… we do what we have to do in order to survive, sometimes at the expense of others… so is cussing THAT bad on the list of “no-no’s?”

And now for your enjoyment, here’s some music that does not deal with this topic at ALL. Except that it kinda does in a roundabout way.

And I love Fonzie.

Your Dig-It Downloads:

Download: Highway to Hell (live in Holland 1979) – AC/DC
Download: Love Is Hell (live at Town Hall 12/6/06 – Ryan Adams
Download: Burning Hell (live) – Patterson Hood
Download: Catch Hell Blues – The White Stripes
Download: Friend to the Devil (live @ Wolftrap, Vienna, Va, 7-7-97) – Lyle Lovett

Grace Potter

Grace Potter and The Nocturnals: Live 9-12-09

Grace Potter and The Nocturnals have popped up a couple other times on the site via our weekly Top 5 Most Played Songs series. I commented previously on how their sound was reminiscent of the great jam bands of the 60’s and 70’s, and Potter’s soulful, bluesy voice is just a joy to listen to. Bonnie Raitt described the band as “one of the most soulful new bands around,” and I tend to agree.

So, today I was quite pleased to come across this live show from the band that took place last weekend at Florence, MA’s Pines Theater. The show was part of the Royal Family Getdown, where Soulive hosted a one-day outdoor festival featuring several friends of theirs, including GPN. According to the announcement, the festival was in celebration of Soulive’s 10th Anniversary and the launch of their record label, Royal Family Records.

You can grab the show in the Dig-It section, but before you do, check out a couple videos from the show below. If you’re not familiar with the band, it’ll give you an idea of the atmosphere and the energy the band puts into their performance. The first video is of GPN’s show opener, “Some Kind of Ride”, and the second is of “Come Into My Kitchen” leading into “Ah Mary”.

“SOME KIND OF RIDE”

“COME INTO MY KITCHEN”/”AH MARY”

With a couple additions to the band’s line-up, GPN is wrapping up work on their third studio album – their first with legendary producer T Bone Burnett (Robert Plant & Alison Krauss, Elvis Costello, John Mellencamp, Gillian Welch, Roy Orbison, Counting Crows, Wallflowers). Potter describes the new album as “a soul record at its core, like the Velvet Underground backing Aretha Franklin.” The album is slated to be released this fall, but in the meantime, GPN will be hitting the road for a fall tour with Brett Dennen. Make sure to check out their website or MySpace for a complete tour schedule, which includes stops in markets all across the country. You can also follow the band on Twitter.

Your Dig-It Downloads:

Grace Potter and The Nocturnals: Live @ Pines Theatre (9-12-09)

(Many thanks to Corey the Groundhog for the recording)

Download: Zip file of full show

Download: Some Kind of Ride
Download: Joey
Download: Mastermind
Download: Big White Gate
Download: Come into My Kitchen
Download: Ah Mary
Download: Stop the Bus >
Download: 2:22
Download: Apologies >
Download: Medicine
Download: If I was From Paris
Download: Sweet Hands

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

Kanye West Taylor Swift

Kanye West is Growing Up and Maturing

For those of you that missed last night’s VMA awards, here’s a quick recap:

People won awards and people lost awards.

There were two interesting things that happened during the ceremony, though… the lesser of the two involved our favorite rapper, Mr. Kanye West. Mr. West is known for his outbursts that focus on how great he is and how he was cheated out of everything in life, including the presidency of the United States… and I was one of those people that actually thought he learned his lesson when he entered the MESS (Massive Ego-Sonic Syndrome) Institute back in April with Sherman Bear (I miss that little bear).

Truth of the matter is, though, that the sessions REALLY helped, and Mr. West is finally growing up and maturing! Want proof? Check out this excellent display of grow’d up-ness from last night’s VMA awards:

You’re probably wondering, “Swap, judging by that video, I don’t see HOW he’s matured!” And the answer is simple: he’s finally talking about someone other than himself! How’s THAT for maturation????

I think it’s great. Kanye is directing his energy and positive energy towards another fellow citizen of the world. He’s not focused on what HE didn’t get, but what someone ELSE didn’t get. That’s pretty impressive! I think the next step for him is to join the Peace Corps, don’t you? That video showed just how thoughtful he can be towards others… I mean, he complimented someone else! Sure, it was at the expense of Taylor Swift, but we all gotta start somewhere. Baby steps…

Now, don’t feel TOO bad for Taylor… she got her moment in the sun:

And if you’re thinking that Kanye is STILL a big a**hole, check THIS out… it’s an actual apology (via his blog):

“I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! …………………… I’M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!…………….. BEYONCE’S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I’M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I’M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!! NO DISRESPECT BUT WE WATCHIN’ THE SHOW AT THE CRIB RIGHT NOW CAUSE … WELL YOU KNOW!!!! I’M STILL HAPPY FOR TAYLOR!!!! BOOOYAAAWWWW!!!! YOU ARE VERY VERY TALENTED!!! I GAVE MY AWARDS TO OUTKAST WHEN THEY DESERVED IT OVER ME… THAT’S WHAT IT IS!!!!!!! I’M NOT CRAZY YALL, I’M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!! I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR TAYLOR AND I’M SINCERELY SORRY!!! MUCH RESPECT!!!!!”

How’s THAT for grow’d up? Sure, he needs to stop typing in all caps and he REALLY needs to take an english class, but it’s progress, isn’t it?

I don’t know about you, but I’m proud of Kanye. He’s makin’ his way the only way he knows how… but that’s just a little bit more than the law will allow.

If you recall, at the beginning of this post I said that there were TWO interesting things that happened at last night’s VMA’s, and that the lesser of the two was Mr. West’s most gracious moment. The MOST interesting thing that happened at last night’s VMA’s can be described by this picture:

Someone actually wore that last night!!!

I’ll say it for ALL of us: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON YOUR FACE AND WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU THAT LOOKED GOOD?

Some people are just attention hogs. She probably knew that Kanye would pull something, so she had to one-up him before it even happened. I hope you take it off before you put your lipstick on one’s dipstick, though. I mean, I’ve heard of a Chastity Belt, but THIS I have no words for. Just a little info for you, Prickly-Maned-Girl-Who-Is-Dying-For-Attention… you can’t get pregnant that way… so go for it!

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

9-11

Bruce Springsteen: Songs from “The Rising”

Sorry for the horrible, horrible picture, but I hope we never forget.

Listening to Bruce Springsteen‘s album The Rising has been a 9/11 tradition of mine ever since it was released in 2002. I’ve tried to find as many live acoustic performances of the songs from that record, but I can’t seem to locate a few of them…

So if anyone has “Worlds Apart,” “Let’s Be Friends (Skin on Skin),” or “The Fuse” done acoustically, please pass them on to us!

Take a listen and don’t ever, ever, ever, EVER forget.

Your Dig-It Downloads: (right click links to download)

Download: Lonesome Day (2005-06-23)
Download: Into the Fire (2006-06-15)
Download: Waitin’ On A Sunny Day (with Nils 2005-05-03)
Download: Nothing Man (electric keyboard 2005-07-24)
Download: Countin’ on a Miracle (piano 2005-06-15)
Download: Empty Sky (2005-06-25)
Download: Further On (Up the Road) (2005-08-03)
Download: Mary’s Place (piano 2005-06-20)
Download: You’re Missing (piano 2005-07-18)
Download: The Rising (2005-08-07)
Download: Paradise (electric piano 2005-08-13)
Download: My City of Ruins (acoustic on A Tribute to Heroes)

[Amazon] [iTunesicon]

Waste of Time

Another Example of Sucking the Soul Out of Art


It’s amazing how awful the music business can be. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are artists out there to contribute something and there are those that exist as “filler,” like those “fillers” on albums. I know that not ALL artists can be as great as The Beatles, and I’m not saying that all artists need to be as great as The Beatles… I’m just saying that it’d be nice if artists would at least TRY.

This artist that I’m looking at today doesn’t even seem to be trying… and that upsets me.

If you’ve been frequenting TheFrontloader.com lately, you might have seen this banner that has been gracing our pages.

Oh yes, it’s for real. There actually IS a Ke$ha (she uses the “$” because “It’s all the money I’ll ever need,” she says… and tops it off with “’Cause I’m fucking money!” Nice… this coming from a girl who looks like she needs a lot of money because she’s always strung out on black tar heroin. Look at her on the advertisement for her single, “Tik Tok,” she looks obliterated and is begging for a handout.

My first thought when I saw that banner was “Why is there a fucked-up girl on my site?”

Wait… it gets better than that. Here’s the banner that you see when you actually click on that link:

Is this some sort of joke? Does ANYONE here actually want to buy a record from someone who looks totally doped up on you-name-it? Don’t we already have enough artists like that? I’m sorry, but one Amy Winehouse is all we’ll EVER need.

But Kesha (sorry, I just can’t do the “$” thing) ISN’T just another doped-up artist… no, according to this article on WWD.com, Kesha’s “unlike today’s custom-clad pop stars.” This apparently means that she’s going to try to be “different” by saying typical “oooh look how deep they are” things like, “My favorite stuff that I’ve ever found has been from trash cans. And I bought this incredible vest off a homeless guy recently.”

Ooooh. Deep.

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A better use of time than listening to Kesha

Here’s the funny part. Kesha’s mentor and producer, Lukasz “Dr. Luke” Gottwald, claims that “You don’t find an artist like her every day or every year.” In the same article, Gottwald goes on to explain that “I wanted to find someone unique and someone interesting,” he says. “[I was looking] for a voice to strike me…and when I heard Kesha’s voice, I was like, ‘Holy crap! Let’s find this girl.’” Take a listen to it (if you dare). One question I have for Mr. Gottwald… if Kesha has SUCH a great voice, why do you use all those effects on it? I mean, she sounded best at 0:30… it’s a shame you didn’t keep that for the rest of the song.

Turns out that Kesha was 17 at the time and doing rather well in her studies (so she says). According to Kesha (this has yet to be confirmed), she scored a 1500 on her SAT’s and was planning on studying psychology and religion at Barnard College.

For a girl who claims to be this bright, she sure picked a dim-witted way to introduce herself to the world. LOOK at that banner! And look at the text! Great, inviting lines like “Gimme ur email, BITCH!” and “HOLLER!” (which I cannot STAND because it makes you sound as stupid as someone who might say “Gimme ur email, BITCH!”) make her look like someone who’s not trying to let the music talk.

And that’s probably the only smart thing she’s done so far, because the music is awful. It’s yet ANOTHER example of someone sucking the soul out of art. I took one for the team and downloaded her single, “Tik Tok,” and I hope God forgives me someday for doing it.

The opening verse says it all:

Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy
Grab my glasses I’m out the door I’m gonna hit this city
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Cuz when I leave for the night I ain’t comin’ back

I’m a sucker for a good pop song. There’s a place in this world for songs that talk about how “I Saw Her Standing There” or how everybody has a “Hungry Heart,” but this music is unforgivable and I think everyone involved in this project knows it by encouraging Kesha to just stand there, look pretty wasted and keep talking so that the press has something else to focus on other than the POS music. How ELSE can you explain why anyone would EVER say something like “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d like a fancy bag, but I’d probably just run it over with my car to make it look dirty.” Yep. That Kesha’s a card!

She’s also doing her best to “stand out” from all the other pop stars by saying bullshit things like “I think they [her label] liked that I don’t give a fuck and I’m completely irreverent. [I’m] just a bit more willing to be retarded and not apologize for it.” If I were a label, I think I would NOT like the fact that my artist doesn’t “give a fuck.” Why would I drop thousands upon thousands of dollars on someone who doesn’t “give a fuck?” What a horrible business decision!

But that’s age talkin’ there. I remember thinking that way, too… then I grew up. Let’s hope that Kesha has the time to do that as well…. either that or hope that Barnard College saved her a seat.

What a waste of time and I’m sorry I put you all through it.

If you’re interested in reading the rest of the WWD.com interview, click here.

Your (I hope you don’t) Dig-It (I won’t make you) Download:

[audio:http://www.mediafire.com/file/kznmqttt5iz/Kesha-TiK-ToK.mp3]

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