Life definitely has its ups and downs. I’ve been on a down for quite a while now, and have just recently begun the swing back to the surface. In this road to recovery, I’ve been going back to albums and artists that have always made an impact on my life not only with their melodies and voices, but with their lyrics as well. It is within these artists that I have, in a way, learned how to see things differently, how to deal with things rationally, and how to realize that everyone goes through the same motions in life… everyone feels the same things, everyone cries the same tears.
Pain is relative, but pain is righteous if you embrace it.
One record I’ve been spinning a lot is Ryan Adams‘ 2002 release, Demolition,. Although I do not identify with every song, there are a few that have hit me in ways I did not expect.
I spun the record again tonight and have come up with the Top 5 Things I Learned From Demolition. A handful of “life lessons” that I seem to have forgotten were reinforced through this album… pretty cool.
Some of the lyrics I’ve selected may not encompass what Adams was trying to say as a whole, but they stood out to me when put into the context of my life and how I want to live it. So if you say to yourself, “Swap, that’s not what he meant,” that’s ok because we all get what we want from songs, whether the writer intended it to be there or not.
These 5 lessons are simply what I got out of it… it’s always good to be reminded of things.
1. Hitting rock bottom ain’t always bad
There are times when I feel I’m spiraling down to nowhere… like I’m getting swallowed up into the pit in my stomach. It’s an awful feeling and I can see it coming a mile away, yet I succumb to it and anxiously wait for it to pass.
This line from “Starting to Hurt” pretty much sums it up for me right now.
I know, though, that I’ll be ok in the end. My friends have told me that from the bottom, there’s nowhere else to look but up. Sometimes it’s hard to see the sun if you don’t look for it. Hell, it’s always hard to see the sun if you don’t even open your eyes.
Download: Starting to Hurt
2. Learn from mean people
Mean people are everywhere you look. They can be the guy driving past you on the freeway, the lady standing next to you at the post office, or even someone you know. They’re everywhere and they won’t ever go away. They suck the soul right out of your body and they don’t care. Mean people are only looking out for themselves and they advertise this by being who they are on a daily basis.
They’re a disease with no antidote.
I’ve tried to avoid them, I’ve tried to ignore them, I’ve even tried to pray for them… but alas, they’re mean for a reason: to teach me something.
It’s really quite simple. I’ve learned that I do NOT want to be mean. It’s a waste of energy, a waste of focus, and an incredible waste of time. The feeling is liberating. If you concentrate on NOT being mean, everything changes, even the air you breathe. It’s crisper, cleaner, and a lot more satisfying.
Being mean is easy, but easy is not how we grow as people.
Download: Chin Up, Cheer Up (live 2006-10-17 Das Haus – Ludwigshafen, Germany)
3. Get rid of negative people in your life
This line describes a fair-weather friend. They’re only around when things are good, when they can get something from you. I’ve known a few of these folk… and they generally bring me down because I can taste their ulterior motives on their breath.
Building off of #2, it’s vital that you get rid of negative people in your life. You generally become who you surround yourself with. If you’re around negative people, you tend to be negative. It is very easy to slip into this lifestyle… you find yourself sitting around with these negative people… talking crap about everything and everybody. You may think that you’re bonding, that you’re becoming closer as friends, but in reality, you’re merely blackening your heart.
Cheesy, but I believe it to be true.
I’ve been negative, and I’ve had friends call me on it. It took a while for me to realize that they were right, and it took me even longer to understand why I was being so negative. I found that the answer was found within one person… this person brought out the worst in me… they made me feel awful about myself, and I realized that I expended so much of my energy trying to either convince them that I was NOT awful or that I could be just as awful as THEY were being.
Not a very productive way to spend my time.
I’ll agree that some people you can’t just “cut out” of your life… but it’s done me wonders to just recognize what was making me so negative. Knowing IS half the battle, after all.
Download: She Wants to Play Hearts
4. Your body language can change your mood
This is something my mom taught me long ago. Body language defines you. If you’re sad, your body generally sags. If you’re happy, you’ve got a spring in your step.
But how about when you’re sad and you WANT to be happy?
Simple, just change how your body is.
You’re probably saying, “Swap, I already KNOW this!” but how many of you have done it? I rarely do because I just let myself fall deeper and deeper into a hole and wait to hit the bottom (see #1). Sometimes that works on getting me out of a funk, sometimes it doesn’t. Tonight it didn’t work, so I did as Ryan Adams suggested. Chin up, cheer up.
By gum, it worked.
It probably won’t work 100% of the time, but if it does the job even 46% of the time then it’s worth trying.
Download: Chin Up, Cheer Up (live 2006-10-17 Das Haus – Ludwigshafen, Germany)
5. No matter how I present myself, I am forever a romantic
My first reaction to this line was “YES! Exactamundo!”
I love being in love. I love the closeness, the intimacy, the “face sucking” (Quick! What movie is that phrase from?), and all that “face sucking” leads to.
But I’ve had my share of heartbreak, as I can guess most of us have had. After going through the motions of recovery, though, I know that I can’t wait to fall in love again. I can’t wait to bring a smile to a woman’s face… I can’t wait to feel my heart melt whenever I look at her face… I can’t wait to… well, cut to the scene where I’m holding her close.
Heartbreak means nothing. You feel it, you embrace it, you leave it behind. Now, what’s next?
Ah, THAT, my friend… THAT is the promise of a new day. And what is more romantic than that?
Download: Cry on Demand
So there you have it, the Top 5 Things I Learned From Demolition. It’s always interesting to see what one actually gets out of music… sometimes it’s a melody, sometimes it’s a feeling, and sometimes it’s a way of life.
For those of you that are familiar with Demolition, are there any things you’ve learned from it that you’d like to share? I’d be most curious to read your thoughts.
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Tommy, thanks so much for reminding me of these important lessons. Hopefully, you will be feeling better soon. I don’t know you personally, but I wish I did, bucause you seem like a really cool, down to earth guy who would be a blast to hang with. And… we all know you are WAY talented.
Big hugs to you…
Deep and cathartic, good for you : )
1) Life is cyclical. Rises, falls, rises. It’s how you react that determines the length and depth of the variations.
2) Without evil, there couldn’t be good. And vice versa. Each makes the other stand out. Otherwise it’d all be the same gray Stepford goo and no one would stand out either way. Radical, yes?
3) The people around you reflect who you think you are. Choose people to reflect who you want to be.
4) Your mom is so wise.
5) Good line. But don’t cut to anything. Live it, each step, and earn it.
Mostly what I learned from this album is that I love it, but I love most of his stuff.
I do like that line in Starting to Hurt about take your pain and your sorrow and teach it how to fly. A lot of his music is like that, the flying. Hope things are better for you, and thanks for posting the article.
I’m not a HUGE Ryan Adam’s fan, but I am a HUGE fan of music. I’m not a good at “meditating” or even spending alot of time “praying”, but I can get “in the moment” with music, and that’s when I think we get those msgs we need to hear!
Seems like alot of wisdom has been revealed to you!! Living what you know is the hard part for sure!!
Just know that your music has done the same for others what Ryan Adam’s music has done for you! That’s a big deal! That’s making a difference, and I really think that’s what we all want to do!