I have been a consultant to the stars for many years… decades, to be exact. It is a job that I enjoy very much, and I often find incredible success with my clients. I am very proud of my work, but there are those times when a client decides to ignore my suggestions and go his/her own way. I never know when those moments will happen, and I find myself praying that those moments do NOT happen on live television. It can be embarrassing for my client, for me, and for all those involved with that said client.

This last Sunday was just one of those moments. The Miss USA pageant took place and it was a humdinger. My client, Miss California Carrie Prejean, seemed to have the contest put away… that is, until the dreaded judges questions section. She stood there on stage, looking magnificent, and delivered one of the most heinous answers to a question ever.

The question was given by Perez Hilton, a man who I often get confused with Paris Hilton. I guess that is his gimmick. Hilton’s question to Prejean was, “Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?”

Now, I am sure I do not have to tell you that the Miss USA pageant is all about political correctness. Anyone would be a fool to think otherwise. The contest thrives on political correctness, all the way down to the name of the contest. I mean, how much more P.C. can “The Miss USA Pageant” be? If they were more daring, they would call it “T&A Pure Cane Sugar Contest.”

My directions to Miss California were simple. I told her that all she had to remember were three letters: B P C.

Apparently she remembered three completely different letters: X J Q.

And those letters do not stand for ANYTHING.

Look at this screenshot from the swimsuit portion of the program. She scored a NINE.

All she had to do was B P C. But instead, she answered the question like this:

“Well I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. Um, we live in a land that you can choose same sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and in, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there. But that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think that it should be between a man and a woman.”

First off, I must address the “my country” part. Excuse me, Miss California, but your “country” is The United States of America. You are, after all, in a Miss USA contest.

Secondly, B…. P….. C! Egads.

In an interview on The Billy Bush Show, Prejean stated that “It did cost me my crown. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I said what I feel. I stated an opinion that was true to myself and that’s all I can do.”

I applaud you for being true to yourself. I really do. But the Miss USA contest is not about being true to yourself. It is about winning. Do not enter a contest if you do not plan on winning. If your goal is to fail, then do not enter it and let someone else have a chance. I do not offer my services to people who do not have the brass ring in mind.

She did, however, tell Billy Bush that “I feel like I won. I feel like I’m the winner. I really do, Billy.” She then noted that she had 1,000 messages on Facebook and 2,000 friend requests.

Yes, that is just as exciting as winning the pageant. Good for you. Something to put on your resume.

Next time when a someone requests my services, I will make sure that at the bare minimum, they can recall three simple letters. Is that too much to ask for?

Good day.
– Sherman

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17 thoughts on “Miss California Does NOT Know How to Follow Simple Directions

  1. This? “And those letters do not stand for ANYTHING.”

    and this? “She then noted that she had 1,000 messages on Facebook and 2,000 friend requests. Yes, that is just as exciting as winning the pageant.”

    …had me laughing out loud 🙂

  2. I saw the pageant (good workout inspiration) and saw her answer. Perez’s reaction shot shaking his head was priceless.
    Was there ever a top two in pageant history who both looked more like perfect blonde Barbie dolls? I think not. Can they send that makeup/tanning airbrush my way if they’re done with it?
    And Miss Arizona’s bathing suit score was higher, if I’m not mistaken. No, she did not come in the top two, and she didn’t speak so well, but with that bod, who cares?

  3. I guess I’m missing your point. Without taking sides on the issue, she correctly answered the question with a reflective response indicating she was raised in a household with a structure of traditional values. The fact that she appeared to comprehend the question and almost provided a comprehensive answer – I don’t know what an “opposite” marriage is – reflects very positive on her given America expectations of a beauty pagent contestant. Did you really expect her to articulate the difference between a “marriage” which is a religious ceremony with ties to legal recognition and a “Civil Union” which is a state ceremony with the same legal recognition?? Keeping the dialogue simply stupid is consistant with the rest of America and therefore is Politically Correct (PC)… Or she could have lied, which should not be an option, but appears to be the suggested path….

  4. My point is this: always be true to yourself unless it involves a rather high profile contest that can get you much fame and recognition.

    Plus, do not waste my efforts on teaching you how to win if you will not follow those directions to a “T.”

    That may seem shallow, but I am a little bear and little bears are known to be pretty shallow. We are not necessarily proud of that, but we embrace it like we would a bag of money.

  5. you watch beauty pageants?

    i’m proud of her to simply state what she believes in. most people would sell out and say what others would want you to say.

  6. Yes, of course I watch beauty pageants, especially when a contestant is a client of mine. I expect my clients to WIN, though, as that would be another thing for me to brag about.

    And in the end, it is all about ME and my achievements.

    Perhaps if more people would understand that, the world would be a better place.

  7. I did not even realize she spoke, as I was too busy talking to my agent, trying to get a hold of HER agent to make her an official Sherman Bear “Hotty with the Body.” A contract is being drawn up right now.

  8. The only thing predictable about this world is its unpredictability. My clients go through a 5,000 point screening process, but in the end, they are left to their own devices.

    That is the nature of the business. I can try to hold their hand like I did with Miss California, but you will find that very few beauty pageants allow little bears on stage… which is a sincere shame because we can spice up any show.

  9. Gee, another dumb beauty queen, what a shock. Why don’t they just stop pretending that the contestants have brains and rename themselves the “Pretty Girl Contest?” Stop asking these twits their opinions on topical issues and ask them questions they can answer, like “What is your opinion about lip liner?” or “How can you become more MySpace famous?” Betcha this one doesn’t know diddly about “The Iraq” either.

  10. BPC should be BAC- Be A Coward because you cannot stand up for what you believe in and always be able to be Politically Correct. Kudos to her- she is smarter and braver than most people because she knows some things are just wrong and she has the guts to say so.

  11. Interesting… I was looking on your comment to find your contact info so that we could engage in a healthy dialogue , but alas, you were brave enough not to leave it.

  12. What an intolerant freak !! Hilton is to stupid to see his own hypocrisy. The lady has a right as an American to state her opinion openly and honestly and not be subjected to attack by some flamer. Hilton gives gays a bad name. I suppose he would have prefered that she lied about her beliefs because truth is not part of his agenda, only politically correct thinking. News Flash for Hilton, stop being an intolerant bigot.

  13. I applaud your passion and really wish he would change his name and stop feeding off of the other HIlton’s fame and name recognition. Perhaps I need to change MY name to “Barock Obama.”

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