You may have already heard the news about how South Park gave Kanye West a reason to do some soul-searching and “ego-checking,” but very few people have the real story on how it all came about. My involvement has been omitted from the press because of legal reasons, but now that it has all been resolved monetarily, I am here to reveal the facts around the whole situation.
First, a little background. Some people say that I have a slightly higher-than normal ego… I am proud to say that those people have all been wiped off the face of the planet, but there is some truth in it. Unbelievable as it is, there are times when I find it difficult to restrain my ego, considering the fact that I am all-wise and all-knowing… but I always seem to find a way (translated: drugs really DO work). For those people in this world that need more than drugs, I usually encourage them to enter the MESS (Massive Ego-Sonic Syndrome) Institute that specifically deals with people with out-of-control egos. The MESS Institute has a package plan that is 99% effective.
You can choose from one or all of these three fine ego-taming plans:
2) being beaten with bats by 50 kindergarteners while your friends point and laugh at you
3) a parody of yourself done on the television show, South Park.
When Mr. Kanye West called me up for some much needed “ego-taming” advice, I suggested that he seek out the help of the institute and choose all three option plans, which he surprisingly did. For moral support, West asked me to accompany him to the sessions.
Here is a picture of us, moments after his grandmother kicked him in the family jewels.
Yes, all that padding gear was necessary because his grandmother is quite strong. He has what is called a “Full-Groinal-Area-Ice-Wrap” on his privates… and the look on his face? Just what the institute was hoping for. The next step of getting beaten with bats by 50 kindergarteners while his friends pointed and laughed at him was not documented because nobody wants to see that.
After the third and final step, West took to his blog to address the much talked about South Park spoof. For those that missed it, here is a piece of the episode.
And here is what he wrote in his blog regarding that episode (this was taken directly from the blog. No edits have been made):
“SOUTH PARK MURDERED ME LAST NIGHT AND IT’S PRETTY FUNNY. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BUT WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY EGO THOUGH. HAVING THE CRAZY EGO IS PLAYED OUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND CAREER. I USE TO USE IT TO BUILD UP MY ESTEEM WHEN NOBODY BELIEVED IN ME. NOW THAT PEOPLE DO BELIEVE AND SUPPORT MY MUSIC AND PRODUCTS THE BEST RESPONSE IS THANK YOU INSTEAD OF “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” IT’S COOL TO TALK SHIT WHEN YOU’RE RAPPING BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE. WHEN YOU MEET LITTLE WAYNE IN PERSON HE’S THE NICEST GUY FOR EXAMPLE. I JUST WANNA BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM. I NEED TO JUST GET PAST MYSELF. DROP THE BRAVADO AND JUST MAKE DOPE PRODUCT. EVERYTHING IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. AS LONG AS PEOPLE THINK I ACT LIKE A BITCH THIS TYPE OF SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO ME. I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I’M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I’M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I’M SURE THE WRITERS AT SOUTH PARK ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DRAW MY CREW. THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY ALSO!! I’M SURE THERE’S GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS… THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW IT’S ME!”
Our next plan is to work on his English. He is a fantastic rapper, but he seriously needs to learn how to write. What is really disturbing about this is that he almost seems proud of the fact that his writing skills are lacking.
Kanye later added the following blog:
“THE SOUTH PARK EPISODE DID NOT MAKE ME HAVE THIS EGO EPIPHANY! I ACTUALLY ONLY WATCHED A PIECE OF THE EPISODE WHICH WAS FUNNY. I’VE BEEN WORKING ON MYSELF FOR A WHILE NOW, WHICH IS HARD TO DO IN THE PUBLIC EYE. I JUST USED THIS AS A PLATFORM TO EXPRESS WHERE MY HEAD IS AT.”
We also need to work on teaching him how to hit the “caps lock” key once in a while. It was my hope that he mention his experience at the MESS Institute, but I suppose he decided against it because it was TOO demeaning. Being portrayed as a gay fish lover is nowhere close to the effects of being getting kicked in the crotch by your grandmother.
At the end of our time together, Kanye thanked me and told me he felt good about this new direction. When I looked into his eyes, I could tell he was sincere. We shook hand/paw and parted ways. I hope he continues on this path… I think it will be a defining quality to his craft and career.
Always remember that respect should never be demanded, it should always be earned.
But making fun of someone lasts a lifetime.
Good day.
– Sherman
Your Dig-It Download:
Download: Gay Fish
[Kanye - Amazon] [Kanye - iTunes]
Popularity: 1% [?]
Ummm…… Maybe I have been living in a shoe box for awhile because of school but did he really write and rap a song called Gay Fish? I don’t know whether it’s funny or if I just wasted 2 and 1/2 minutes of my time. Anyways, the South Park episode was pretty funny. He set himself up for that and I actually think they went pretty easy on him. I think it’s going to take a few more kicks in the groin from grandma and a few more rounds of the kindergarteners with bats to rid him of his MASSIVE ego!!
What would all these stars do without you, Sherman? :)
It’s about time Kanye tried to bring the ego down a few notches. And I’m sure he doesn’t want to have to go through all that again… so, well done, fuzzy bear.
TL:DR.
NF.
OLDNEWS.
It won’t last. He’ll lose out on an award and throw a hissy fit again.
Awww… you must be so proud of this comment. I bet you called up your mom and excitedly told her about this comment. I bet you even went around to other sites and left similar comments. Your mom must be so happy she brought up someone like you. She probably even baked you some cookies to reward you.
That must feel pretty good. Congratulations!
The “Gay Fish”song is from that South Park episode. Yes, you wasted 2.5 minutes of your time because of me. See the power I have?
I thank you for your gratitude. There is actually a “level 2″ in the treatments which involves a machine simply called “The Machine That Literally Rips You A New Arsehole.”
Hopefully he won’t have to experience that.
Time will tell to see if these treatments actually last. The institute boasts a 99% success rate, but who knows? Mr. West just might fall into that stubborn 1%.
All future award shows should purposely nominate him in every category and then make him lose… and have a camera on his face with every loss. That would be very interesting to watch.
You had better make sure your mom knows exactly which comment you left, though, seeing as you did not leave any trace of your contact info. THAT is pride!
That South Park episode was hilarious. And after having to endure “Heartless” on VH1 day after day on the treadmill at 5:30 a.m., I think he got off light. Is his grandmother administering punishment wearing those sturdy ortho grandma shoes? Does she need a new pair?
I want to have an EGO EPIPHANY. And I want to change my name to Kanye, except I’d pronounce it CAN-YEE.
Oh yeah, one more thing…TL:DR.
NF.