If you’re like me, you’re always on the lookout for new music. There’s a special feeling when you purchase a new record… the anticipation of popping the Cd into the player and experiencing a new song is something to be cherished.
The problem is what to buy? Yes, I have my own favorite artists, but they don’t release albums every year (except for Ryan Adams… so far). I’m often at a loss at what to pick up… and I constantly need new music to listen to because of this website.
In the past, I’ve gone to record stores and walked up and down the aisles, looking at album covers to see what looks interesting. There have been cases where I’ve purchased albums based on the album cover alone (like The Cure’s The Head On The Door), but lately I’ve taken the lazy route and hopped on Amazon.com to check out the new releases. True, I don’t get to actually hold the physical Cd, which psychologically makes me more attached to it, but it’s kind of the same thing.
This morning I was doing just that… I went to Amazon, clicked on the new releases and hoped that I would find something new to listen to. The same thing happens every time I do this: I pause to laugh at some album names and say to myself, “Wow!”
So today I present to you the Top 5 Worst “New Album” Names. All these albums are either recent releases (in the past six to eight months) or to be released…
In lieu of posting a song from an album I obviously do not have, I’ve posted a song from each artist that I really dig from an album that has a name I can actually deal with.
Sting – Songs From The Labyrinth
Hey, I’m a big Sting fan. His work with The Police was stellar. Synchronicity remains one of my top album favorites, and The Dream of the Blue Turtles was as cool a solo debut as can be…. but “Songs From the Labyrinth???” Ummm… what?
Sure, some artists have their own special places to write… Jimmy Page and Robert Plant used to frequent Headley Grange… U2 used Slane Castle for a few sessions… but Sting? A labyrinth???
Jimmy Page: So, Gordon… Ol’ Planty and I are fancying about going to Headley Grange to write… what about you? Got a special place you’re going to?
I gotta admit, the name The Dream of the Blue Turtles was a bit of a stretch for me, but since this was his first shot out of the gun from The Police, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I’ll tell you what, I would have been MUCH more enthusiastic if the album were called, “The Dream of Being Stuck In A Closet With The Brady Girls.”
Oh wait… that was MY dream.
Instead of a song from a labyrinth, here’s one from a blue turtle.
Your Dig-It Download:
Download: If You Love Somebody Set Them Free (Sting)
Beyonce’ – I am… Sasha Fierce
This looks like another “Chris Gaines” tragedy.
You’re “Sasha Fierce?” I thought you were Beyonce’? Oh wait… this is a CONCEPT album. The “I Am…” side and the “Sasha Fierce” side… Ohhhhh… hmmmm…
Waitaminute, I DON’T CARE.
This is an example of someone who thinks MUCH too highly of themselves. Come on, Beyonce’… we all have different sides to our personality, but I don’t go around NAMING them.
Waitaminute again… DO I?
I totally dug her solo debut, Dangerously in Love. It’s a GREAT album with some spectacular songs… but this “Sasha Fierce” nonsense though… I can do without it, unless the Cd booklet is like a naked picture of Beyonce’ or something.
And who the f*** thought of a name like “Sasha Fierce????” I guess Beyonce’ did, didn’t she? It’s apparently the alter ego she uses when she performs on stage (I’m serious!!!!). So for all of you that have attended a Beyonce’ concert, thinking that you were seeing BEYONCE’… too bad. You saw Sasha Fierce.
And “FIERCE????” Really??????? Why not “Contentious” or “Pugnacious” or “Non-Unaggressive?”
“Hi, I’m Sasha Non-Unaggressive.”
As I said, I really dug her solo debut, Dangerously in Love. Here’s Beyonce’ being naughty…
Your Dig-It Download:
Download: Naughty Girl (Beyonce’ er… wait… Sasha Fierce)
Toby Keith – That Don’t Make Me A Bad Guy
So what DOES make you a “bad guy,” Toby? If not “That,” then is it the fact that you’ve got a stupid album name? Or the fact that if a guy has to TELL people they’re a “bad guy,” then that automatically makes them a wuss?
Gotta be one of the two.
Keith has never had great album titles, though… Shock’n Y’all was just the tip of the iceberg, apparently. Hey Toby, you REALLY want to “shock us?” Put out a death metal album. THAT would shock us. Naming an album “Shock’n Y’all” and making it in the same genre you’re known to play in is NOT a “shock.”
There is a song on the album titled “That Don’t Make Me A Bad Guy.” My guess is that the song is about how he’s done some not-so-good things in his life, but that doesn’t make him a bad person… which is a nice sentiment. I’ll probably pick up the album just to see if I’m right. Keith has been rather consistent with his output, so I’m sure the music will speak louder than the album title. I just can’t understand why THAT was chosen as the album name. There’s got to be a better way of saying it.
Toby Keith released one of my favorite songs of 2007, “Love Me If You Can.” I still listen to it on a regular basis, and I still love it. “Love Me If You Can” might be on the same lines as what he’s trying to get across on this new album title… I don’t know… but if that is the case, “Love Me If You Can” is a MUCH better title. I’m sure something on this new album will hit me like this one…
Your Dig-It Download:
Download: That Don’t Make Me A Bad Guy (Toby Keith)
Plies – Da REAList
Here’s one of the funnier titles I came across today. First of all, the dude can’t even spell “The.” Secondly, I don’t think he’s calling himself a “realist” as defined in the dictionary: one that has concern for fact or reality and rejects the impractical and visionary.
No, I think he’s calling himself a “realist” cuz he’s da “realist” person you’ll ever meet. As in “I keep in REAL, man.”
Check out his album titles:
1. The Real Testament
2. Definition of Real
3. Da REAList
I wonder what his next album will be called? GOTTA be something like, “The Really Really REALLY REAList… Really!”
I am not familiar with Plies‘ music, and based on this album title, I’ll have to find another way of discovering his message.
Hmmmm… after careful review of my music collection, I have come to realize that since I have no idea who Plies is, I therefore do NOT have any Plies songs. So instead, here’s on of my favorite Hip-Hop songs, “Make It Rain” by Boo (featuring Jazze Pha).
Your Dig-It Download:
Download:
Def Leppard – Songs From the Sparkle Lounge
Uh… the word “sparkle” does NOT belong in ANY Rock album name.
Can you imagine the press conference for this record?
And dude… that cover is SO Sgt. Pepper-y… or in your case, should I say Sgt. Sparkle-y?
I just noticed that this is the second album title on this short list with “Songs from the…” in the title. I wonder if there is actually a place called “The Sparkle Lounge,” or if it’s completely made up. I guess I can understand if there IS a place/recording studio called “The Sparkle Lounge,” and that would be MUCH more believable than Sting’s “Labyrinth.” Seriously… who goes to a labyrinth these days? Is it the next “hot” vacation spot?
Here’s a cool live bootleg of their 1981 hit, “Photograph.”
Your Dig-It Download:
Download: Photograph (live) – Def Leppard
Buy Def Leppard on Amazon
I hope you enjoyed this list… if you like it, let me know and I’ll keep you updated every now and then on stupid album titles. Plus, I’d love to hear some of your favorite “Albums with names that SUCK” choices. Have you ever passed up an album because of the horrible name? Come on and share with us!!!!
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